A client contacted me recently about an employee whose dad had died. The employee had returned to work and, on the face of it, they were still doing their job, but the employer could see that they were struggling emotionally. They wanted to support them but were not really sure what that support should look like.
I suspect this is where a lot of managers find themselves when somebody returns to work after a bereavement. We tend to understand what to do immediately after somebody dies. An employee tells us that they have lost a family member, we express our sympathy, arrange some time away from work and perhapssend some flowers or a card.
Then the employee comes back to work and, somehow, everyone can feel as though normal working life is supposed to begin again. The problem is that grief does not work like that, and returning to work does not necessarily mean that somebody is ready to carry on as they did before.
Coming back to work does not mean somebody has stopped grieving
People respond to bereavement very differently, which is why there is no single approach that will work for every employee. One person may desperately need time away from work, while another might actually welcome the routine, structure and distraction that returning to work gives them.
Some people struggle immediately after a bereavement, while others appear to cope incredibly well at first and then find things much harder several weeks or even months later. There is no correct way of grieving, and employers need to be careful not to make assumptions based simply on how somebody appears when they first return.
Rainer Derry from The Grief Consultancy works specifically with businesses to help them understand grief in the workplace. Her workshops cover not only bereavement itself, but also anticipatory grief, compassionate communication, returning to work and how managers can support somebody without feeling that they need to become a counsellor.
That distinction is important because a manager's job is not to fix someone's grief or have all the answers. Their role is to create an environment where the employee feels able to talk about what they need, while considering what reasonable and practical support the business can provide.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is have the conversation
Managers can become so worried about saying the wrong thing that they end up saying nothing at all. They might avoid mentioning the person who has died because they are frightened of upsetting the employee or reminding them of what has happened.
The reality is that the employee is probably already thinking about the person they have lost, and silence can sometimes feel considerably worse than a manager simply acknowledging what has happened and asking how they are doing.
It does not need to become an enormous formal conversation. A manager can ask how the employee is managing, whether there is anything at work that is making things particularly difficult and whether temporary changes to their workload, working hours or responsibilities might help.
The important part is to keep that conversation going rather than treating it as something that only happens on the employee's first day back. Agreeing a time to check in again gives both the employee and manager an opportunity to review how things are going, because the support somebody needs during their first week back may be completely different from what they need six weeks later.
The support should not stop after the funeral
This is something employers can easily overlook because there tends to be a lot of support immediately after somebody dies. Friends, family members and colleagues are often checking in regularly, while employers are arranging leave and offering support around the funeral and the employee's return to work.
Grief can become more difficult later, particularly once some of that immediate support has disappeared. There may be anniversaries, birthdays, family events and unexpected reminders that bring the loss back to the surface. An employee who appeared to be coping perfectly well may suddenly have a particularly difficult period several months afterwards.
That does not mean an employer has to remove expectations indefinitely or assume that every difficult day requires a workplace adjustment. It simply means recognising that bereavement is not a neat process with a clear beginning and end date, and that occasional welfare conversations can make an enormous difference.
The law around bereavement is changing too
There are also legislative changes that employers need to be aware of. The Employment Rights Act 2025 expands the framework for statutory bereavement leave by creating a wider entitlement beyond the existing parental bereavement arrangements, with further details about how the new right will operate being set through regulations.
Government implementation plans currently place further bereavement leave measures within the 2027 programme, which means employers should expect to revisit their policies as the detailed rules and implementation arrangements become clearer.
Having an appropriate bereavement policy is therefore increasingly important, but a policy can only provide the framework for how an organisation approaches bereavement. It does not necessarily teach a manager what to say when an employee is sitting opposite them and struggling to hold themselves together.
Manager confidence matters
This is one of the reasons Rainer's work caught my attention. Her workshops are designed to give employers and managers practical tools for dealing with bereavement in the workplace, rather than simply telling managers that they need to be compassionate and leaving them to work out what that means in practice.
A short Lunch and Learn session can introduce employees and managers to different types of grief, common myths surrounding bereavement and practical ways of supporting colleagues. Her longer sessions go further by looking at compassionate conversations, returning to work, workplace strategies and real life situations that managers may find themselves dealing with.
The full day programme also works with businesses on developing a bespoke Bereavement Policy and Bereavement Support Policy, helping organisations put a practical framework around the support they want to provide.
I think that combination is particularly important because a policy and good management serve different purposes. A policy tells employees and managers what the organisation offers, while training gives managers the confidence to know what to do when a real person is sitting in front of them and needs support.
Compassion and good HR are not opposites
Employers sometimes worry about where support ends and normal management begins. They may wonder what happens if they offer flexibility and cannot continue it indefinitely, whether other employees will expect exactly the same arrangements or whether a manager could make matters worse by saying the wrong thing.
Those are understandable concerns, but supporting somebody through grief does not mean abandoning normal management or making promises that the business cannot realistically maintain. Employers can agree to temporary support, set sensible review dates, have honest conversations about what is working and continue to maintain appropriate workplace expectations.
Quite often, good HR is about finding that sensible middle ground. You are running a business and there will still be work that needs to be done, but you are also employing human beings who will experience difficult periods in their lives.
How somebody is treated during one of the worst periods of their life is something they are likely to remember for a very long time. Having a supportive policy is important, but having managers who are comfortable starting a conversation, listening to the employee and responding appropriately can be just as valuable.
If you need support with a bereavement situation, an employee's return to work or reviewing your HR policies, contact EC Human Resources.
For specialist workplace bereavement training, Rainer Derry at The Grief Consultancy offers tailored workshops designed to give organisations and managers the knowledge and confidence to support employees through grief, while EC Human Resources’ Managing Absence service can provide further HR support when managing bereavement related absence and an employee’s return to work.